


Crossroads

by madartiste



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Drama, F/M, Mystery, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-24
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-14 23:26:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3429368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madartiste/pseuds/madartiste
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes the line between waking and dreaming seems all too thin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Natsu-centric. Contains Nalu, Jerza, Gajevy, and some Gruvia. Takes place right after the Grand Magic Games arc. Written for the Tumblr Fairy Tail community's Angstmas celebration in December. This was completed before the end of the Tartaros arc, but there might be a few spoilers for the manga floating around in here. Beta read by the amazing Snogfairy.

Natsu's eyelids fluttered as he came back into consciousness.  He blinked, trying to focus through the throbbing in his skull.  That certainly hadn't been a fun fight.  Even his  _teeth_ hurt this time, and his vision swayed and spun disorientingly.  The weird beam of energy he'd been struck with had been so disconcertingly  _familiar_ , but he couldn't place why.  He only barely registered the natural stone of the ceiling above and the bright, flickering campfire lighting the cave and casting stark shadows that chased into the recesses.

"Are you feeling better?"

The deep voice vibrated through the air and made him jerk.  It wasn't that it was unexpected - though it certainly _was_ \- but that it was painfully, tragically familiar.  Natsu sat up and nearly paid for the motion with the contents of his stomach.  It was only the burnished gold eyes studying him that stalled the nausea making his belly throw a fit.

"I-Igneel?" he whispered.  Frozen in place as he wracked his brain for missing information, Natsu felt a burning behind his eyes and his breath stuttered in his chest.  It was like the whole world hung right on that single point.

"Who else?" the dragon chuckled, reaching out a taloned hand to brush the hair from the boy's forehead.  "What's all this now?"

Scalding tears tracked down the fire wizard's face as he threw himself against the solid, scaled wall of his father's torso.  He'd almost forgotten how warm the dragon's body was and how it soothed his aches. Even his rebellious stomach quieted.  "Y-you… You're real!  Where _were_ you?!"

The enormous form curled down to peer at him, muscles shifting under Natsu's clinging grip.  "I've been here since… What's the last thing you remember?"

"I was doing a job with my team," the dragon slayer said, face buried against his parent and voice thick with emotion.  "I got hit by something… not sure what it was, but who cares?   _Where were you?!"_

Carefully prying the young man away so Igneel could look in his eyes, the dragon's mouth turned down.  He traced every feature and only allowed a slight relaxing of the grim expression on his face when Natsu wiped his nose on back of a trembling hand.  Some things never changed.  "You don't remember?  This might have something to do with --"

"What are you talking about?  What did I forget?"  The fire wizard stepped back a few paces, torn between the comforting presence before him and the confusion that was rising in his pounding head.  "And where's everyone else?"

Igneel inhaled, a gusty sound that echoed off the rock walls, and his fingers fell away from his son's body.  "Natsu… You don't recall _anything_ , do you?  I was afraid of something like this."

"Afraid of what?  What am I supposed to remember?"  Gritting his teeth, Natsu found the euphoric joy of having finally found his father eroding away under the nagging pain in his skull and the frustratingly vague suggestions that he was missing something.  "Maybe how I woke up one day and you were just _gone_?  I'd actually like to forget that."

Igneel stared at him for a long moment when the dragon slayer retreated.  He spoke slowly as if he was afraid to rile the boy up even further.  "It's been several _years_ since you were a part of that guild."

Natsu's fingers dug into his temples as he tried to massage away the persistent headache.  There was no way he heard that right, and it sent an icy shaft of something awful through his being.  "That's not possible.  I was just with them!  Gray, Erza, Lucy and Happy - we were all together!  I wouldn't just _leave_ them."

"Calm down --"

"No!  This is crazy!  How did I even get here?"  Walking in a small circle, Natsu finally glanced back at his father, face resolving into determination.  "You're just confused or something.  Come with me to the guild hall and I'll show you.  They'll all want to meet you!"

Shaking his horned head, Igneel let his eyes slant towards the cave entrance past the fire keeping the cold at bay.  "I don't think that's such a wise idea.  We should probably take you to see Grandeeney first thing in the morning so she can examine you."

"I don't need --"  The young man broke off his words, feeling like he was drowning in frustration.  This wasn't how his reunion was supposed to go.  He was supposed to be _ecstatic_ but all he felt was confusion.  And an urgent, driving sense of _wrong_.  "Just come with me, please," he begged.  "I'll _show_ you.  You can meet Happy and Lucy and everyone else."

Something about the way the dragon slowly withdrew, sighing noisily, just ratcheted up Natsu's misgivings.  "Why don't you rest first?  We can go at first light if you still want to, but just give yourself some time."

"I've had enough time," Natsu snapped.  "Lots of time.   _Years_ of waiting for you.  I don't know what's going on here, but I can tell that something's really off.  If you don't want to come, then just _promise_ me that you'll wait here.  I'll bring them to you!"  Darting towards the exit, certain his father would follow despite his words, he ignored the flame dragon's urgent protests as he stepped out into the snow.

And into the chaotic guild hall.

Natsu stopped dead, eyes darting around to take in the familiar surroundings of worn wooden tables, the clamor of boisterous mages, and the scent of booze and a mob of bodies.  A bright fire was roaring cheerily in the stone heart, sending out waves of warmth that purged the brief memory of biting chill.  All around him garish decorations were hanging from whatever surface that could humanly be reached, and even more were being laid out as he watched.

Christmas.  It was almost time for the annual Christmas party.  They'd been worried they might miss it thanks to that last minute mission, but it looked like preparations were in full swing.

He spun back around, staring out the open door at the darkened streets of Magnolia.  As he lurched forward, desperately scenting the air for any trace of dragon, he heard Gajeel's irritated shout.

"Shut the damned door!  It's freezing out there!"

Natsu ignored him, peering outside past the drifting flakes of snow that created a white haze.  There was no trace of Igneel or the cave anywhere.  What had happened?  Was it some kind of teleportation spell?

A heavy hand landed on his shoulder and jerked him away right before the door was slammed.  Gajeel glowered and bared his formidable teeth.  "Just 'cause you ain't bothered by it doesn't mean the rest of us are okay with the cold."

The fire eater blinked, losing a moment as his brain processed something strange.  Gajeel looked just as cranky and metal studded as ever, but his face… Deep valleys were scored into the skin around his left eye socket, old scars distorting the flesh and bisecting where his eyebrow would be.  One of the rivets along his brow bore a wicked looking gash that matched.  His eyes were beady and red like always, but the lines of his jaw were sharper and somehow more worn at the same time.

"What's yer problem, Salamander?" the iron dragon slayer grunted, turning his back and heading towards where Levy was avidly reading.

"Your face…" Natsu whispered with a sense of disconnect skittering down his spine and slithering into his guts.  Raising his hand in a rude salute, Gajeel ignored the other wizard in favor of the blue haired woman who smiled at his approach.

"Are you feeling better?"  Wrenching around in the direction of the voice, Natsu was struck dumb again.

Lucy's warm smile should have taken the constricting weight off his chest, but something was just so very out of place.  "I was starting to get worried when you didn't come by earlier.  I hope the extra sleep did you some good," she said.

Her eyes were still bright and intelligent, nose still blunt and pokable, and hair still silky and golden.  But the way she moved, the shape of her face and body… He _knew_ it was Lucy, instinctively and indisputably, and yet as she looped her arms around his neck and rose up on her toes with her plush lips drawing close --

Some strange panic bit into him, and Natsu grabbed her forearms, effectively halting her advance.  "What are you doing?" he demanded.  Was she trying to _kiss_ him?  That didn't sound like Lucy.  And since when did she have to stand on her tip-toes to reach him?

Smile fading away, she stepped back until he was forced to let go.  "Are you okay?  What's wrong?"

"Everything," he grated, dragging a palm down his face.  The world felt like someone had knocked it off kilter, and he was looking at everything sideways.  It was a struggle to recognize anyone under this layer of change.  "Nothing's _right_.  I was just talking to Igneel in a _cave_ , and now suddenly I'm here!"

"Man, you must've gotten hit harder than we thought," Gray muttered, moving to stand behind Lucy.  "I was hoping it might've knocked some sense into you, but it looks like --"

The stellar spirit mage sent a quick, silencing glance at the brunette.  "Natsu's obviously still not feeling well.  Maybe we should take you to see Porlyusica tomorrow.  I'll go with you if you want," she offered to the fire wizard.

Happy nodded quickly, landing lightly on the ice mage's naked shoulder.  "You scared me, Natsu!  When I woke up, you weren't at our house.  Where did you go this morning?"

Natsu's mouth opened but the words withered on his tongue when Erza drifted over to join them.  He'd already noticed the mysterious transformations in everyone else, but hers were by far the most extreme.  "How much cake did you eat?!" he exclaimed at the sight of her large, rounded belly.

"What was that?"  Erza's tone was frostier than anything Gray's magic ever made, mahogany eyes narrowing into slits.

"Ah hah hah hah!  Now's really not the time for those kind of jokes.  The morning sickness was pretty bad today."  Natsu stared at the man who slid into position behind the redhead.  Jellal's smile looked brittle and desperate while he dragged a hasty hand across his throat in a very recognizable sign for 'stop now before Erza kills you.'

Natsu trailed his eyes around the room, anxious fingers digging into his thick hair.  The smells that flooded his nose told him exactly what his eyes did: that these were the people he knew so very well.  There were signs everywhere, things that were _not quite_ the same, but this?  "You're pregnant?"  He had to be dreaming.  Or hallucinating.  Or really, _really_ drunk.

That last one would be nice right about now.

"Look," he started, palm up placatingly to fend off the stares that were trained on him, "I just need to figure out how I got here from… wherever Igneel is.  It was a cave in the forest, so I think it wasn't too far from here, but I'll need --"

"Natsu."  Lucy licked her lips, expression taut and careful, "Igneel… died four years ago during the battle… Don't you remem --"

"No!" he denied.  "That's not… I _just_ saw him.  And what _battle_?"  Why would she say something like that?  And why did everyone look _older_?  His head felt like it was too full of… things.  Things that didn't belong.

"It's okay," she said quickly.  "Why don't you go lie down in the infirmary for a bit?  Wendy can look you over and make sure --"

The soft fingers that laid so gently on his arm made the dragon slayer flinch, and he shoved her away, sending the blonde staggering into Gray's chest.  Silence descended like a lid being dropped on a tomb, and Natsu felt the roiling _wrongness_ swallow him.  "There's nothing wrong with me," he whispered into the room.

"It's okay," Lucy repeated, as much for the benefit of everyone tensely watching the scene as for him.  She righted herself and cautiously offered him her hand.  "Just sit with me for a moment and maybe --"

"There's nothing wrong with _me_!" he shouted, spinning away from her concern and devotion.  Any minute now his stomach was going to turn itself inside out.  The door handle felt chilled under his palm when he wrenched it open.  "I'll show you!  Igneel was right --"

"Here…"  His declaration dropped to a soft breath that formed a puff of condensing vapor in the frigid atmosphere of the forest.  He was standing shin deep in fresh snow, surrounded by pine trees.  The lemony-crisp scent of them replaced the warmth and varnished wood of the guild hall.

"Damn it!" he howled at the night sky.  "What the hell is going on?!"

A familiar sound of leathery wings slicing through air caught Natsu's wavering attention, and he turned to face the incoming form.  Igneel dropped down in front of him, creating a shower of snow in his haste.  "There you are!  You worried me when you ran off like that."  The relief the dragon felt was visible all over his enormous body.  "Where did you go?"

The fire wizard brushed the snow out of his hair, cracking a crooked smile he didn't really feel.  "I _knew_ they were wrong.  I'd just seen you, so you're definitely not dead."

Igneel leaned in close, hot breath smoking out of huge nostrils.  The dragon's eyes skimmed over the boy, and his mouth twisted into a frown.  "Where exactly did you go, Natsu?" he repeated.

"I was in Magnolia at the guildhall.  I have no idea how I got there, but everything was _weird_.  Lucy said you… you died.  I can't figure out why she'd do that."  Natsu turned slowly in a circle, trying to get his bearings.  "It was really crazy, and everyone looked older.  I still don't get --"

He let the words drop off when he found himself facing his father again.  The dragon's eyes were so deep and _pained_ that it was impossible not to realize something was gravely amiss.  "What?  Why are you looking at me like that?"

Igneel watched him a moment longer.  "We're quite far from Magnolia and you told me that you would never return to that place."  The words were slow, like he was addressing a skittish animal.

"Of _course_ I'd go back!" Natsu cried, hands flinging into the frozen air.  "Lucy and Happy are there and everyone else too.  Why wouldn't I want to be there?"  Even his long-lost dad was being weird now.  And he still didn't have an answer for how he had jumped between places.

"Your little feline companion chose to remain behind when you came with me.  Lucy… Don't you remember what happened?"

"Remember what?!"  He wanted to break something, maybe punch that tree, anything to vent the frustration and unease curdling in his gut.  His limbs felt jittery, like there was an excess of energy sparking through his system.  "Why the hell isn't anyone making any sense?"

The dragon's breath rattled out of his throat, a shaky sigh puffing clouds in the night.  Those big eyes were leery but still kind.  "She was killed during a terrible battle.  I’m afraid I wasn't able to --"

"That's crazy!  I was just talking to her.  She _hugged_ me.  Tried to --"  To kiss him.  He could still feel the warmth of her against his skin, but that crawling, gnawing dread was growing stronger by the second.  "She said _you_ died.   I don't… I can't…"  He felt suddenly sick and passed a shaking hand over his mouth in a half-hearted attempt to quell the turmoil in his stomach.

Just what was going on here?

A huge hand settled against his side, heat clinging and comfortable.  "It's all right.  These hallucinations --"  Igneel gestured calmingly with his free hand when Natsu's expression turned outraged, "-- or whatever this is might have something to do with your fight yesterday.  The item that wizard used could have caused this."

The dragon slayer sucked in a few breaths as his nerves shook his body.  He couldn't wrap his mind around the possibility of Lucy being _gone._ Or rather he _could_ , just all too well.  But if that was true, how had he just seen her?  Touched her?   _Smelled_ her?  "C-can we go to Magnolia?"

"I'm not sure that would be wise…"  The horned head inclined slightly in concern and regret.

"Please!"  Natsu stared up, eyes shining in the winter moonlight.  He swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the lump occupying his throat and choking his voice.  "I just need to see."  Needed to prove this was all some sort of grotesque misunderstanding.

A moment passed as Igneel studied his distraught child.  Finally he nodded.  "Alright.  We'll go in the morning, but first you should come back and get some rest.  You look much too pale and tired to do this tonight."

"But --"

"Just one night."  Igneel tilted his head to stare at the boy with a single, imploring eye.  It was a gesture Natsu remembered painfully well from childhood.  "Nothing will have changed in the morning, I promise you."

"Okay…"  Jaw working against the anxiety consuming him, the dragon slayer nodded sharply.  He hadn't a clue what was going on, what was happening to himself, but he knew he could trust his father.  "Okay.  I just… I'm… afraid that… I'm… scared."

Gigantic hands that spanned from his shoulders to hips swept him up into a hug, and he buried his face against the solid, scaled chest as the tears broke out of his tenuous hold.  They trailed hot and bitter down his face, tugging a few muffled sobs in their wake.  "I know, son.  I know…" 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes the line between waking and dreaming seems all too thin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Natsu-centric. Contains Nalu, Jerza, Gajevy, and some Gruvia. Beta read by the amazing Snogfairy.

He woke with a jolt, sending the hammock into a fitful sway.  Blinking rapidly into the dusty streams of light that poured through the windows, Natsu sat up slowly, hesitating only when he felt the soft, furry form of Happy pressed up against his side.

Home.  His cabin.  His barely ordered house in the woods outside of Magnolia complete with drafty chimney and cluttered knickknacks.

Natsu let out a sigh, raking his hand through his hair.  Had it all been some kind of weird dream?  What kind of messed up food had he eaten to provoke _that_?  Was Igneel still missing and Lucy still --

"Are we going to stay here for a few days?"  Happy's sleep slurred voice startled him, making their bedding swing more haphazardly when he jerked.  The exceed yawned and peered up with a disgruntled expression.  "Did you make Lucy mad last night when you ran off?  You said some weird stuff."

Staring down at his little friend, Natsu felt a renewed knot of disquiet wrench in his belly.  He didn't speak as he scrambled out of the hammock, stomping his feet into his sandals.  His hand snatched at air when he reached for his scarf, finding nothing, and he staggered to a stop.  Shivering tendrils of fear slithered through his body when his eyes couldn't spot the cloth anywhere.  

This went beyond the naked feeling that normally nagged him without the scarf around his neck, and he realized that he hadn't been wearing it when he woke up in the cave.  He forcefully shook the feeling off, not willing to let it stop him.

"Hey wait!" Happy cried, ears flattening against his skull.  His tail lashed a few times when the door banged open, bouncing on its hinges and swinging shut with a slam behind the dragon slayer that tore out into the cold morning.  "Where are you going?!"

The high pitched voice faded as Natsu ran, bounding through the snow even in his scant clothing.  His breath puffed in a steady rhythm, dragon lungs unhampered by low temperatures that would scour anyone else's.  A single thought drummed in his mind -- that he had to find Lucy, make sure she was okay.

He hit the clear streets at the outskirts of Magnolia and broke into a full sprint, dodging around a few surprised pedestrians that scolded him for his carelessness.  Skidding around a corner, he found himself stymied by a wall that he hadn't been expecting and retreated to find another path.  After nearly bowling over a little old lady at another wrong turn and getting clipped behind the ear with her cane, Natsu managed to muddle his way to the canal and barreled towards Strawberry Street.

Gripping the bricks with enough force to crumble a few of the edges, he scaled up the side of the building with record speed.  The hammering anxiety already was starting to lessen when he caught the faint sounds of her humming and smelled her unique scent leaking out around edges of her stubbornly closed window.  It offered him some resistance, and he was strongly considering that he could just break it and apologize later when it gave way, rising with a rattle of glass and bang of wood.

Lucy shrieked, whipping around with her hair flying out a fleeting golden halo.  "Geez!"  Her hand laid across her breast, and he could hear her racing heartbeat from where he was crouched on her sill.  "What are you _doing_?  Why didn't you use the door?  I gave you a key for a reason."

His silent intensity was the only response, dark eyes darting over her.  She heaved a sigh, and smiled indulgently.  "Get in here.  You're letting all the heat out."

Dropping lightly down to her floor, he closed the window with more care than he had opened it, still following her every move with his gaze when she turned away to sip at a cup of steaming tea.  Any thoughts that his bizarre experiences the day before might have just been a dream vanished in the face of her sharper features and weary eyes.  Whatever was going on evidently didn't have such an easy explanation.

"Lucy… Where's Igneel?"  The question was loaded with a bit of every emotion he possessed.

She froze, her back to him, and then cast a worried look over her shoulder.  "Natsu… You still don't…"  With that gentle grace she sometimes managed to capture, the stellar wizard set her cup down on the coffee table and moved to him.  She took his hand and led him to her bed.  "Sit… please."

Nibbling her lip, Lucy brushed her thumb over his knuckles when he followed her instruction and she joined him.  "Look, I'll tell you whatever you want to know, but please… will you go see Porlyusica?  I just want to know that you're okay.  I just --"

"Yeah," he whispered, offering no opposition to the idea.  He wasn't exactly sure that he was fine either.  In fact, he was starting to be convinced of the opposite.  "I'll go."

She blew out a breath, lower lip stuck out so it ruffled her bangs, before starting to speak.  "What's the last thing you recall?"

"We were hunting that dark wizard.  He had this… thing in his hand."  He remembered being struck by that bizarrely familiar wave of black energy from the weird glass orb.  Natsu had no idea what the object was, but it'd filled him with a stark and terrible sense of impending doom.

She nodded encouragingly.  "Yes, we did that job just a few days ago --"

With a sharp shake of his head, Natsu unintentionally cut her off.  "No.  I mean, yeah, but… That was X791."  The comment was meant as a prompt, wanting to test the waters, and he was rewarded when her eyes widened slightly.

Lucy's surprised gaze softened slightly, sadness seeping in.  "It's X795."

"W-what?"  His brain rebelled against the idea.

"Four years ago there was a terrible battle.  All of us were involved and things didn't go so well.  The important part is that Igneel died saving your life.  You were so hurt by it, but kept going because you knew we needed you.  I didn't know what to do for you afterwards…"

It seemed utterly impossible.  He'd been so sure that Igneel was _real_ with his solid weight and smoky scent.  Everything _felt_ real.  But Lucy wouldn't lie to him.  That was something he knew with unshakeable certainty.

Gently, she turned over his arm, and her free hand brushed lightly over the flesh.  "These scars here, and on your other arm too… you got these at the same time."

Pale slashes, some thin and raised, others deep and puckered, littered the surface of his arms, and Natsu frowned.  He hadn't even noticed them in all his panic, but it was clear they were aged and faded with time.

"That… can't be," he said.  Four years?  Was he really missing _four years_ of his life?

He just stared for a long moment, Lucy's soft hand twined with one of his own.  "Can…" he started, and then cleared his throat of the tightness that was strangling his words.  "I just need a minute…"  The knot lodged under his larynx sank behind his ribs when the blonde untangled their fingers and whispered her assent.

At least her apartment was still the same.  His feet carried him over to the tiled bathroom even as his brain refused to send any signals.  The door shut with a soft click, and Natsu sagged against it.  Any energy he had was gobbled up by the thrumming dread that crept wickedly through his veins.

Shoving himself forward, he wrenched the tap until scalding water was streaming into the sink and plunged his hands into it.  The heat did nothing to relieve the unnatural chill he felt, so he splashed it on his face instead.  An empty pit had opened in his guts, but it froze over when he raised his dripping head to stare in the mirror.

The face that gazed back was so close to his own and yet so alien at the same time.  Just like the others, he could recognize himself under the wear and tear, the stronger angles and edges.  It was like time had ground away the youth from his being.  Lifting a damp hand, he reached forward, fingers only stopping when they met their twins behind the glass.

Something snapped in the void space in his chest, and he saw his jaw clench when he drew back to smash the stranger so boldly staring back with his own beleaguered eyes.  It was only the soft gasp from the suddenly open door that halted him.  He let his fist relax and dropped it back to the rim of the sink, leaning forward with his full weight braced on his arms.  "... Sorry," he muttered.

"You don't need to apologize," Lucy said, voice wavering just slightly as he turned the faucet off.  Steam clouded the air between them.  "If you really can't remember what --"

"I _don't_ remember," he interrupted and looked up to meet her gaze in the mirror.  She was frightened, and it _hurt_ that it was because of him.  Everything _ached_ inside.  "I don't remember any of this."  The gesture he tossed out included his reflection.  And hers.

The blonde bit at her lip, and she repeated a motion he'd only dimly acknowledged before, nervously twisting a gold band sitting on the ring finger of her left hand.  It tripped some understanding in the back of his head, rattling for attention under the suffocating blanket of anxiety.  "What's that?"

"What's what?"  She stilled when he turned and approached, reaching out for her.  "What are you --"

"This," he said, trying to be gentle as he lifted her hand and carefully turned it.  The ring was made of thick, bright gold wires oafishly hammered and woven together.  They twined around a small diamond that even his unpracticed eye could see the flaws in.  It was rough and inelegant against her skin, but the way she touched it spoke of reverence.  "Where'd this come from?"

Lucy studied his puzzled face before offering up a laugh that sounded false to his weary ears.  "It's nothing.  Don't worry about it right now."  He really wanted to pry, to push considering how everyone seemed to be dancing around anything he wanted to know, but the concern swimming in her brown eyes stopped him.  Whatever her reasons for not answering, she was more focused on him and whatever was happening to his scattered brain.

He let her fingers slip from his, finally noticing the marked difference in their height as he practically loomed over her bare-footed frame.  It wasn't the only change, and it made his guts squirm when he unwittingly started to catalog them.  "Come with me," he said abruptly.

Blinking in surprise, she tilted her head.  "Where are we going?"

"To find Igneel."  Her mouth opened and then closed, expression clearly stating she wanted to argue, but he plunged on.  "Something's _wrong_ here.  I can feel it.  I don't know for sure, but I… I know what I saw wasn't a dream.  He was _there._ I don't normally smell things in dreams."

The stellar spirit wizard didn't look convinced.  "Natsu, I know whatever you've been through is very traumatic, but --"

"He said he didn't live close to Magnolia, but I'm pretty sure I can find the place again.   I just don't want to lose you if I --"

Her hand gripped his arm, bringing his begging to a halt.  "Okay, but maybe first we can go see Porlyusica.  Just real quick so she can look you over."

" _Please_ , Lucy."

She sighed, body sagging just a little.  "Okay," the celestial wizard said, and her mouth softened into a sad smile.  "We'll do everything we can to find him.  If you say you saw him, I believe you."

The answer relaxed something inside him.  It wasn't a denial or censure, wasn't a refusal or disbelief.  It was the trust that he had come to rely on - something as dependable and comforting as his father's warm, dry scales.  Relief painted his voice into tender tones.  "Thank you…"  

Even if he couldn't trust himself, she always had enough faith for the both of them.

"Well," she started, drawing herself up straight and marching out of the bathroom, "don't thank me just yet.  I'm not sure how much help I'm going to be since I have no idea where we're going."  Pulling on her boots and snatching the warmest coat she could find out of her closet, the blonde tossed him an expectant look.  "Lead the way."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes the line between waking and dreaming seems all too thin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Natsu-centric. Contains Nalu, Jerza, Gajevy, and some Gruvia. Beta read by the amazing Snogfairy. Just a note to everyone – this story is already finished, and if you’re feeling impatient you can read the whole thing (though with quite a few extra typos) on my tumblr blog.

The door was locked, and it wasn't long before they left the paved streets of the city behind them.  Natsu moved on instinct, pulling threads of detail from his memory to guide him.  He reached back to help Lucy over a particularly large snow drift and caught the worry that she was trying so hard to hide from him.

"So Erza's gonna have a baby, huh?" he asked, wanting to break the tension his partner was feeling.  And maybe banish the unease _he_ felt worming around in his heart.

"Oh!  Yes."  She seized on the conversation like a lifeline.  "Jellal was officially declared dead by the magic council - Doranbolt actually - and he took on Mystogan's identity.  They're married now."

"Man… That just seems…"  He shook his head, not even sure what to make of the march of time.  It was so unsettling to be missing pieces of his own history.

A chuckle greeted his incredulity.  "That's not the half of it.  Gajeel and Levy got married a few months ago.  I know!" she exclaimed in response to the look of shock he threw over his shoulder.  "It caught all of us by surprise.  They kind of eloped when they were off on a job."

"Seriously?"  He took in her quick nod and amused smile.  "Geez.  I woulda thought Levy would have more sense than that."

She laughed, boots tromping trenches into the snow.  "Mira made them have a proper wedding at the guildhall so we could all be there.  Gajeel asked Juvia to be his best man.  It was really adorable."

"Wow."  Frankly, it sounded unbelievable.  "I hope we at least got really drunk or something."

"Well, _you_ did, and then you danced with me right before you…"  Lucy hesitated, and her smile faltered before picking up again with just a bit more strain to the edges.  "Anyway.  We all had a really good time."  Her hands were hidden under thick gloves, but he caught the way she rubbed at her ring finger.

Up until that moment, he had started to feel like they were just two old friends catching up after some time apart.  Now he keenly felt the gulf so treacherously sprawling between them, filled with the unknown.  Natsu cleared his throat and shoved a branch out of his way.  "What about everyone else?"

"Hmm.  Gray and Juvia are dating.  And Carla's _finally_ starting to thaw when it comes to Happy," she offered with a lilting tone.

"No kidding?  She decided she likes fish after all?"  The dragon slayer snorted, gaze skimming through the trees.

"Not exactly, but he figured out that she's got a bit of a weakness for ice cream."

"Hah!  That's all it took?"  He waited for an answer, but the biting wind was the only sound.  "Lucy?"  Spinning around, Natsu found no bundled celestial spirit wizard in sight, and his heart sped up while it crawled right into his throat.  "Lucy?"

No.  Not now!

Bounding back the way he had come from, he continued to shout.  "Lucy?!   ** _Lucy_!** "

"Natsu."

The rumbling voice dragged him to a halt like someone yanking the back of his vest.  He turned and found Igneel's enormous bulk crouched between two huge pine trees.  "What…?"

"Are you all right?"  Bright, reptilian eyes scanned over him, searching for any injuries.

"I'm fine, but where's Lucy?  She was right here."  The dragon slayer gestured frantically to the space next to him, and his nose scrunched as he scented the air.  "She was just behind me, so she can't be far!  Why can't I smell her?"

He lurched forward through the shin deep snow, churning another path back towards the city, before his father's voice stopped him.  "Natsu, please.  Take a moment and _look._ "

Swiveling around, the young man swallowed heavily.  The brief time he'd spent just chatting with Lucy had managed to lull his sense of foreboding, but it burst back in full force, flooding into every space in his body along with spines of pain that pricked at his limbs.  He squeezed his hands into fists to ward off the prickling.  "I _am_ looking!  Help me find her!"

Igneel sighed and pointed.  "Natsu, please look.  There's only one set of tracks.  You are the only one who has been through here."

Anxiety solidified into a cold, dense knot in his stomach when he stared at the nearly untouched field of white.  "No.  No, she was _right_ here.  I held her hand!  I smelled her and touched her…"  He resumed his laborious march back towards Magnolia, nausea pressing the sour knot up towards his mouth.  "If I go back… she might… I can't just --"

_Please don't let any of this be real…_

Another sigh sent steam into the air, and the dragon reached out to stop him.  The clawed fingers settled so gently on his side.  "Please calm down.  You're rather worked up right now, and it's possible you aren't thinking as clearly --"

"You say she's dead, she says you're dead, but I see _both_ of you.  What's going on here?" Natsu demanded, dark eyes turning up towards his father.  "Am I crazy?  Am I losing my mind?"  His voice cracked, desperate and fearful.

Igneel didn't answer immediately, scooping the human up into his hands instead.  "We should go see Grandeeney.  If anyone can help us puzzle this out, it's her."

Natsu didn't resist and slumped into the cage formed by the dragon's talons.  He let the heat of his parent's body banish the chill from his soaked clothing.  It did nothing for that cold, hard lump sitting in his chest, and he still found himself trembling with sudden fatigue.  "...Okay.  Let's go."

There was a familiar sensation of sudden pressure and then relative weightlessness as Igneel launched himself into the sky.  Great wings beat at the air, causing a swirl of snowflakes.

"I can't remember…" the fire wizard whispered and then raised his voice to be heard over the rush of wind.  "I can't remember any of this.  How long have I been traveling with you?"

"A bit less than four years," Igneel responded.  "You told me you didn't feel like you could stay in your guild after… what happened, and you decided you wanted to concentrate on your training as a dragon slayer.  Frankly, I don't have anything left to teach you, but you keep progressing anyway."

Natsu was quiet, eyes watching the trees pour by beneath them.  It was so unreal, and he felt like someone had sliced the lines that connected him to reality, leaving him detached and adrift.  Was Lucy just a dream?  Was _this_ a hallucination?  "What about everyone else?  Fairy Tail?"

"Ah, they seek you out from time to time.  Some of them are quite tenacious."  The dragon chuckled, big body shaking with laughter.  "Especially that red headed knight.  She didn't seem to accept that you wanted to distance yourself.  It's only gotten worse now that she's with child."

"Erza's pregnant?"  That detail brought Natsu's pink head around.  At last there was something that matched.  "And the others?"

"Well, Metallicana's brat and Grandeeney's sweet little girl visit you most often.  Wendy often brings others along with her, though Gajeel hasn't been by quite so frequently now that he's picked his mate."

Natsu rolled his gaze back towards the ground, mind whirling.  "Gajeel and Levy…" he murmured.  Was the only difference between Igneel and Lucy?  "You said I was in a fight."

"Yes.  With a dark wizard," the dragon answered.  "He struck you with some kind of energy from the device he had."

Also the same, Natsu noted.  Maybe that was the link?  He reached up to his neck and was startled when his fingers met bare flesh.  He felt strange and exposed without the wrapping.  "What happened to my scarf?"

"It served its purpose," Igneel said enigmatically.

They drifted over the landscape, arcing slightly when Magnolia came into view.  The dragon slayer gazed down and frowned.

"The city…"  From above, he could clearly note the changes.  Streets were realigned, buildings different, and the cathedral's spires cast an entirely unfamiliar profile against the clouds.  No wonder he had gotten a bit lost trying to get to Lucy's.  "What happened to it?"

"There was a battle here years ago, and it caused a great deal of damage.  I wasn't around for the reconstruction, but it seems to have gone nicely," Igneel rumbled.

In the distance, the guildhall rose proudly, sandwiched between the wide boulevard and Lake Sciliora, and Natsu sucked in a breath.  Even the hall looked slightly different, though that didn't surprise him as much considering how often it had been rebuilt.  "Can we stop?"

"Are you certain?"  But the dragon dropped down into one of the empty spaces surrounding the hall without waiting for confirmation.  Carefully, he let his son down to the ground.

Night had already fallen, cloaking their presence.  The sudden shift from the morning he was with Lucy to evening just lent more fuel to Natsu's dread -- _more_ lost time consumed by whatever was happening to him.  He halted, breathing deeply and closing his eyes.  Sounds from inside the building filled his ears while the wafting scents filled his nose.

He could pick them out, one by one.  Gray and Juvia.  Erza and Jellal.  Gajeel, Wendy, Pantherlily, Carla, Levy… Happy… Their voices washed over him, and it took some effort to dissect the individual conversations.

Erza wanted cake, and Jellal was leaving their table to fetch it.

Gray was making an unintentionally hilarious attempt to flatter Juvia which made her faint.

Happy offered some ice cream to Carla who couldn't quite seem to decline.

He could find them all except Lucy.  Not one trace of her remained.

"I was glad that your friends refused to give up on you," Igneel said quietly, and it snapped Natsu out of his trance.  "You grieved so deeply for that poor girl that I began to fear you might throw away your humanity to avoid the pain.  Your guild, even though you'd left, kept you from letting yourself go."

The dragon slayer was silent for a long time, trying to weigh all the things he was being told.  His limbs felt so heavy and strange, making him roll his shoulders and bounce a bit on his toes to shake out the feeling.  "How did Lucy die?"

"She was killed during a battle."

Natsu scrubbed at his eye sockets with his knuckles.  "Yeah, but _how_?  What exactly happened?"

The gust kicked up by the dragon's heavy sigh stirred Natsu's pink hair.  "She sacrificed herself to save you.  Those scars on your hands came from that moment."

Fingers twitching, Natsu stared down in surprise.  Rather than littering his forearms, the scars now covered his hands.  He turned them over, finding more silvery lines decorating his palms.  "Shit…"  They were different than the ones Lucy had pointed out to him, and it made things inside him squirm with disquiet.  "How?  How _exactly_ did she die?"

Igneel paused, movements stilling entirely as he watched his son.  The dragon's shape was a dark silhouette backlit by the lights of the city.  "You don't want to know that, Natsu."

"How 'bout you let _me_ decide that, huh?"  The fire wizard's voice raised, sounding thick.

"What happened nearly broke you the first time," Igneel cautioned and kept his volume low in contrast.  "Perhaps not remembering is a blessing."

Natsu seethed inside, fists forming against his thighs, back towards his father and chin dipping down towards his chest.  His knuckles turned white under the strain of his frustration, and his stomach rolled in tandem with the intense unease.  "No one will give me a straight answer about any of this.  Maybe if you quit trying to _protect_ me, we could figure out what the hell is going on.  I'm getting really sick --"

A loud groaning of hinges and old wood cut him off, and he spun around to find the space where Igneel occupied to be full of nothing but drifting snow and cobblestones.  The massive wooden doors leading to the guild hall opened and a golden head poked out.  Her brown eyes were wide with concern, but the rest of her slumped with relief when she spotted him.

"Oh, thank Mavis!"  Lucy hurried over to him, and this time he didn't draw away when she threw her arms around his neck to pull him into a hug.  "I was so scared when you took off in the woods.  I couldn't find you anywhere."

"Took off?  I didn't…"  He covered his mouth with a shaky hand and breathed slowly in through his nose, hoping to squash the rebellion in his stomach.  It wasn't working.  "I don't know what's going on," he admitted, words muffled by his fingers.  The weird pins and needles sensation in his legs wasn't helping either.

She pulled back, taking in his pale face before tugging him towards the open doorway.  "Let's just go inside for a bit, okay?  You don't look well."  He followed numbly in her wake, barely lifting his feet.  The interior was as noisome and cluttered as always, holiday decorations adorning nearly every surface.  "We can sit here till you warm up," she said as they approached a table.

It was a poor excuse, and they both knew it.  He wasn't really phased by the cold even in the depths of winter, but he sank gratefully into a worn wooden chair regardless.  "I ran into Igneel, but I couldn't find _you_.  He was right here, right outside…"  And he was really just done with saying the same thing over and over.

The way she nibbled at her lower lip was a gesture he knew well.  She was stalling while she dredged up the right words.  "Maybe we should go see Porlyusica in the morning?"  Her left hand came up when his mouth opened.  "I believe you that something isn't right here, but we're not getting anywhere trying to figure it out ourselves.  She might not be the friendliest person, but she knows an awful lot about magical mishaps."

He stared at the palm facing him, distracted by something that was still nagging at his thoughts.  The placement was significant, he _knew_ that much, but it didn't make sense unless… "Where did you get that ring?  And don't say it doesn't matter.  I'm getting tired of people not answering me."

Lucy sighed and a quick swipe of her hand tucked some of her loose blond hair behind her ear.  "You made it for me."  Dark eyes jumped up to meet hers.  "I understand that you don't remember any of this, so I'm not expecting anything.  I don't care about any of that right now, just that you're --"

"It's okay," he cut her off gently.  "I kinda figured something… changed between us.  Tell me."

She chewed the inside of her cheek before continuing.  "You gave it to me when you asked me to marry you."

At any other point, any other day, the answer would have shocked him.  But not today.  Natsu slowly captured her fingers in his, running his thumb over the gold band.  He studied it, watching how the flaws in the stone fractured the light when he turned it side to side.  It really was rather ugly, and he privately thought she deserved something much more elegant.  Yet, the way she touched it… like she drew strength from its presence on her finger…

"I said yes," she muttered, a tiny, tired smile curving her mouth.

It made him laugh, and he felt more drained than he had in a long time.  Between the nausea, uncertainty, and intermittent pains he didn't know where he was finding the energy to even stay awake.  

"I figured."  He cleared his throat, hoping to clear his head at the same time.  It didn't work, but he forged ahead anyway.  "I know this is all a little crazy.  Maybe _really_ crazy.  I… don't know what's _real_ anymore.  What to believe."  He glanced up through his pink lashes to study her expression.  "I think I might be losing my mind."

Lucy's head tossed side to side, mouth flattening into a thin and resolute line.  "Whatever is going on here, we'll figure it out.  I promise I'll help you no matter what."

His stomach turned over yet again, and the churning anxiety spiked.  "I don't like the thought of you not being in my future, but Igneel said you died… _sacrificed_ yourself to save me."

Her eyes widened, lips parting on a small intake of air.  "But he --"

"I need you to promise me that you won't ever do something like that, okay?  You can't put yourself at risk just to save me."  It was hypocritical, and he knew it.  The look that covered her face said as much.

Natsu… I don't think we need to worry about that right now.  We should concentrate on --"

"Just… Just _promise_ me."

Lucy turned away, expression only revealed by the hair pressed behind her ear.  She said nothing, jaw clenching, until she turned back with eyes full of fire.  "I can't do that.  I can't make a promise like that because I will _always_ do what I can to protect you.  Just like Igneel did.  I can't imagine my future without _you_ \--"

He stood up fast enough for his chair to crash to the floorboards, attracting a crowd of interested gazes.  Their stares crawled on his spine when he wrenched the seat upright.  Natsu barely looked back when he grabbed Lucy's hand, dragging her along behind him towards the exit with his face determined even as his legs threatened to buckle in exhaustion.

"W-where are we going?" she asked and stumbled just slightly until she got her balance.

"To see Porlyusica," he answered gravely, yanking the door open with more force than necessary.  "To figure out what the hell is going on."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes the line between waking and dreaming seems all too thin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Natsu-centric. Contains Nalu, Jerza, Gajevy, and some Gruvia. Beta read by the amazing Snogfairy.

The sudden appearance of a stone cavern shouldn't have phased him by now, but his fingers flexed agitatedly at the lack of Lucy's warm grip.  Maybe doors were part of the problem?  It seemed like he ended up somewhere else every time he went through one.  He rubbed at his arm, scowling over the nasty stabbing pain that radiated up to his shoulder.

He heard his father coming long before the dragon slunk into view.  The scent of animal blood carried strongly along with the particular reptilian musk.  "Ah!  You're awake!  I was quite worried when you fell unconscious in the snow, so I brought you some food."

Igneel held the deer carcass by its two hind legs and blew a precise stream of fire at it.  Blood was replaced by the tantalizing smell of roasted venison in an instant, and Natsu found himself cracking a small smile as he remembered the early days of being fed nearly incinerated wildlife until the dragon got the hang of cooking for his human charge.  "Thanks…"

"Have something to eat and rest more," Igneel cajoled, tearing a generous piece off the carcass and offering it to the wizard.  "You still look weakened."

Natsu took the hunk of meat but hesitated.  "I really need to see Grandeeney.  I feel like this is getting worse."

"We will," his father replied, watching him closely, "but eat something first.  You need to rebuild your strength."

With a sigh, the dragon slayer bit into the meat with his sharp teeth.  The moment he swallowed, his stomach clenched in protest and the nausea returned with alarming aggression.  Natsu doubled over, one hand clamped to his mouth, and he felt a cold sweat break out on his forehead.

"Crap," he mumbled through his fingers, eyes squeezing shut as more pain shot through his body accompanied by a violent wave of dizziness.  "W-what…"  Staggering slightly, he decided it was better to control how he dropped to the ground than to fall on his face.

The soft, cushy surface he landed on was startling.  His hands gripped a plush comforter, and he immediately recognized Lucy's mattress.  "Oh, geez!  You shouldn't be on your feet so soon!" the stellar wizard scolded.  Her bare footsteps hurried over to his side.  "Take it easy, okay?"

"S-sorry…"  He smelled the ginger and lemon laced tea that she set down the bedside table before the mattress dipped under her weight.  "How…?"

"You passed out cold just a few feet from the guildhall," she answered, hand rubbing calming circles on his back.  "Gajeel carried you here."

"You scared us!" Happy complained.  "Again!"

Natsu cracked an eye to glance at the exceed and drew his knees up towards his rolling stomach.  "Sorry, buddy."  He felt like his entire body had fallen asleep and was now being assaulted by the dreadful prickling as his circulation returned.

"You don't look so good," Happy informed him after crawling up to sit at his side.  "Are you sick?"

How was he supposed to answer that?  The dragon slayer swallowed hard, still feeling the queasy turn of his belly.  "I think I might be…"

"Here.  Try drinking some of this."  Lucy passed him the warm cup of tea, and he sipped carefully at it.  Unlike the meat, the ginger seemed to actually calm his nausea.  "Better?"

Natsu let his eyes slide closed again, savoring the heat of the drink and the settling of his disobedient stomach.  "Yeah, it's helping."

"Good!"  The pink haired wizard jerked at the sound of Igneel's bombastic voice, finding himself abruptly clutching air where his teacup had been.  The fire pit at the entrance was blazing bright enough to dazzle his eyes.  "I thought a bit of nice fire might do you some good.  Why don't you try to get some sleep now?"

"I want to see Porlyusica -- er, Grandeeney.  Actually, either of them."  At the dragon's halting expression, Natsu persisted.  "I don't think I'm actually getting any rest.  I keep passing out and stuff, but it doesn't feel that way to _me_.  I'm just… bouncing between… wherever."

"Hrnnn…"  Igneel still looked unconvinced.  "I certainly _smell_ something off with you, but…"

Wobbling to his feet, the dragon slayer kept pleading his case.  "Whatever this is isn't getting any better.  I think it's actually getting worse.  The longer we wait --"

"Okay, okay."  Lucy had her hands up in surrender, and Natsu felt a disorienting wave of vertigo nearly knock him off feet.  The sudden shift had happened with his eyes open this time.  Any heat he'd had in his body drained away to be replaced by a numbing dread.

Happy frowned at him from where he was nestled in the comforter.  "Do you really think that Porlyusica can help?"

Shivering, the fire eater said, "I sure hope so, I don't know what else to do at this point.  Everything keeps --"

"Are you sure you're feeding him enough?  The boy just looks so thin!"  Natsu blinked in confusion and jumped when a claw the length of his forearm prodded him gently in the stomach.  "Honestly, Igneel, you need to make sure he eats a balanced diet.  Lots of fruits and vegetables."

The fire wizard stared at the unfamiliar dragon in front of him.  Her body was covered in white, downy feathers, but it didn't make her look any less formidable.  That gaze was shrewd and calculating.

Igneel let out an exasperated sigh.  "We didn't come here so you could criticize his nutrition, Grandeeney.  This is _serious_."

Her lamp-like eyes reflected the waning light filtering through the trees, and she suddenly regarded the human with great care.  "I can see that.  It just happened again, didn't it?"  The last was directed squarely at Natsu.

"Yeah," he breathed, rubbing his palm on his face.  "I was just talking to Lucy in her room, and now I'm here.  Am I… Am I just losing it?"

"Before you start doubting your sanity, let me take a look at you.  Just stay still for a moment," the sky dragon instructed, huge fingers brushing over him.  The soft feathers tickled ever so slightly, and her blue stare darted all over his body.  She finally retreated with a reverberating and thoughtful hum.  "Something happened to him.  Something… dark."

Natsu flinched, feeling more of the irritating prickle snaking down his spine.  "W-what?"

"This all started after he got into a scuffle with a dark wizard."  Igneel held out a small round object, and Natsu recognized it immediately.  "The other mage used this on him --"

"That!  I know that!" the dragon slayer exclaimed as Grandeeney carefully plucked the object up.  "The guy in the fight --"

His father nodded, a little tug pulling the edges of his maw down.  "I just said that."

Shaking his head, Natsu made an abortive gesture.  "Not _that_ fight.  The one I actually _remember_.  It was on a job with my guild team, and the guy we were hunting used that thing.  I kinda… jumped on him because I thought I could stop it before…"

"Interesting."  Turning the sphere over in her enormous palm, Grandeeney glanced back at Natsu.  "So you remember a fight from your past, but nothing beyond that?"

"Yes!"  It was almost a relief to have someone state it so plainly.  "I got hit with some energy from that thing.  That's it."

Igneel tilted his head towards the orb.  "Do you recognize that?  I can smell _him_ on it, but I wasn't sure what it was."

"Zeref," Grandeeney confirmed.  "This is one of his toys.  And yes, I do recognize it.  It's one of his less vile creations, but also one of the more potentially dangerous."

"Zeref," Natsu echoed, finally connecting why the energy had felt so familiar.  It was the same as the black wave of power on Tenrou.  "What did it do to me?  Can you fix it?" he asked anxiously, eyes ticking between the sky dragon and the object in her hand.  Could this really be the source of all the chaos he was experiencing?

"To your first question, this item has the very rare and powerful ability to split a person's perception along a nexus point.  It feeds off the magical energy of the one who uses it, leaving them temporarily drained at the end, but the effects are amplified and extended for those with greater power.   Normally it gives the user a glimpse of different possible futures based on their choices at a specific juncture.  In your case, however…"  She paused and studied the pink haired human.  "It seems the dividing point happened in your _past_ , and now you are living two separate futures concurrently."

"Wait.  That means I'm not crazy.  Lucy and Igneel… I wasn't just hallucinating all this?"  He wanted to be relieved, he really did, but the revelations did nothing to thaw that block of disquiet in his chest.  Anything made by Zeref was bad news.  

"Definitely not," Grandeeney state.  "The fractured perception you are experiencing is completely in line with accounts of this thing being used.  I should stress that these two timelines only really exist for you."

Natsu rubbed the back of his neck in frustrating.  "So what does that mean?  How do I fix this?"

The two dragons exchanged a meaningful glance that did nothing to ease his anxiety.  Grandeeney said, "In normal circumstances, the user simply experiences the different variations of their future and snaps back to their starting point.  No one else sees what they have, and there is no obvious change.  You, on the other hand, are stuck at a point _after_ the split.  You may need to choose which of these futures you want to inhabit."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes the line between waking and dreaming seems all too thin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Natsu-centric. Contains Nalu, Jerza, Gajevy, and some Gruvia. Beta read by the amazing Snogfairy.

His eyes squeezed shut, the very idea bucking around in his brain.   _Choose_ his future?  That sounded insane!  "Are you serious?"

"I'm afraid so," the sky dragon said gently.  "Your very being is fragmented between two possible timelines right now."

Choose between Igneel and Lucy?  Make this choice for _everyone_?!  He didn't want either of these futures.  "This… That's just nuts!  You know that right?  I can't do this!"

There was no answer other than a sharp, feminine intake of breath, and his eyes popped open.  Lucy's hand stopped just short of touching him, her face so full of worry it plucked at something in his chest.

Porlyusica raised a thin eyebrow and offered the orb to him.  Her hair had streaks of white trailing through it, and her hands looked even more weathered.  It didn't seem like her attitude had improved with time, though.  "I don't make the rules, and you're the one foolish enough to get struck with this thing."

Natsu gawked at it even as he took the sphere from her.  It was the same object that Grandeeney had been… Why was he surprised again?  "What happens if I don't choose?  Is there any reason I can't --"

"Most likely you'll die," Porlyusica said bluntly, arms crossing over her chest.  "Thanks to the sphere's aberrant effects on you, it's tainting the magical energy in your body and building exponentially each time you experience a shift in your timeline.  Do you mean you haven't felt anything wrong all this time?"

_Everything_ felt wrong, but he hadn't put it all together.  The pains in his body, the sense of urgent unease… "So… how do I do this?"  His stomach churned, and he swallowed the bitter saliva that filtered into his mouth.

"From what I can tell, you just use that thing on yourself again, and it should release the energy building up inside you."  The older woman shrugged.  "I have no idea what else it'll do so don't be an idiot."

Lucy offered her a warm smile and a deliberate nod.  "Thank you for all your help.  I don't think we could've ever --"

"Now get out of my house!" the healer snapped, making the two flinch and scramble for the door.  The heavy wood banged shut behind them as they ran out into the cold.

They stood there panting, creating miniature clouds.  "So what do we…"  Lucy broke off, turning to watch him.  Her lips, slick with balm to prevent chapping from the wind, pursed before she spoke again.  "What do you want to do?"

He looked down at the sphere.  It felt chilly, like it was sucking the heat out of his skin, and had an oily gleam to its surface.  When he rolled it in his hand, the thin sunlight sent scattered, muddied colors glancing across it, but it had none of the charm of a rainbow.  Something about this thing just felt _wrong_.  The same kind of wrong that had been eating at his insides since this all began.

This thing didn't belong here, and frankly, he wanted to destroy it.

"I dunno," he finally answered, "but I think I need to do it soon.  The skipping around is starting to happen faster, and I don't feel so good.  C'mon."  Natsu set off into the snow blanketed forest, face grim and limbs heavy.

"I can't believe it's Christmas Eve already," Lucy murmured after they'd trudged for some minutes.  She had her gloved hands stuffed into the deep pockets of her jacket, and her cheeks were rosy from the cold.

The statement caught him off guard.  Had that much time really passed?  He'd lost _days_ already.  Or maybe he should be counting in years by now.  "I was gonna get you a present," he said lamely.

Booming laughter jolted him, and Igneel replied, "Since when do I have need of gifts?  Though some nice meat or something shiny wouldn't be rejected."  He winked an enormous yellow eye.  The dragon followed on the opposite side from where Lucy had been, powerful limbs churning the snow.

"Yeah, still," Natsu said, trying hard not to be disturbed by the sudden shift, "it's Christmas.  I just thought I'd have more time."

"Everyone will understand," Lucy's voice piped up.  "We're all more worried about _you_ than anything else right now."  He glanced at her and noted the dark circles lining her eyes, and her expression… She looked resigned.  "Natsu, what's the other future like?"

His breath hitched just slightly on the way into his lungs, knuckles thumping against his clavicle as he nervously reached for the scarf that wasn't there.  "Uh, a lot like this one.  Erza's pregnant, Levy and Gajeel are together.  The only difference is… you and Igneel."

A smile curled her mouth, soft and secret.  "Good.  That's good."

"How strange."  The dragon slayer's head turned to take in his father's looming presence.  "I assume that must have been the pivotal moment that's causing you all this trouble.  It's a bit of a relief in some ways…"

Natsu stopped walking and faced the fire dragon.   "What do ya mean by that?"  He really didn't like how _accepting_ they were being of this.  Like they were just giving in.  His fingers tightened on the orb, grip sliding a bit on the unnervingly slick surface.

"I just think…" Lucy started, and her arms held her stomach tightly.  Her gaze skittered off into the twilight landscape before snapping back to his face.  "You should pick Igneel."

"W-what?!"  He took a step back when she started to reach for him.  "You can't just --"

"You missed her so much," the dragon said on his other side, head drooping low.  "It has been hard to watch you suffer like that."

"No!"  Natsu backed up further, realizing he could see them both now, though their forms were strangely faint.  "It's not… I can't…"

Lucy tugged off her glove and slid the ring from her finger.  That bitter-sweet smile on her face was like a punch in his already painful guts.  "Here.  You should hang on to this.  I don't know if… if you can take it to the other future, but…"

"I'm _old_ , my boy," Igneel reasoned.  "Much older than you even know.  Wouldn't it be better for her to have a chance at a long life?  Maybe you could even have a family of your own."

Natsu waved his hands in a dismissive motion, nearly losing his grip on the orb.  "Why are you doing this?!  Do you really think it's making this _easier_?  Damnit… I don't want to lose either of you.  It would've been better if _I_ died --"

"Don't say that!"

"That's nonsense!"

"You have to know that--"

"I would rather die a--"

"wouldn't be _better!"_

"thousand times than--"

"I love you too much to --"

"let anyone harm--"

" **STOP!**  Just stop talking!" Natsu shouted.  He felt a sharp prickle in his arm and lifted Zeref's sphere to eye level.  It pulsed with a dingy, malignant light that rolled off the object like a bleak mist and pooled at his feet.  "What the hell…?"

Lucy hesitated, eyes wide, before she edged forward until she was standing at arm's length.  "Are you okay?"

He nodded jerkily, glancing from the boiling miasma puddling on the ground to her and then his father.  "Yeah, I'm fine…"

Igneel's scaly brows rose.  "Are you talking to someone else?  Ah, this must mean the orb is working."

"Lucy's right here," Natsu confirmed, looking to her when she reacted with surprise.  "And Igneel's over there."

The celestial wizard nibbled at her lower lip, concentrating on the swirling energy that was starting to surround him.  "I think… it's some kind of gate."

"A gate?"  Natsu peered down.  He squinted and could barely make out indistinct shapes beyond what looked like a dark tunnel.

"That does make sense," Igneel put in.  "As Grandeeney said, you will need to choose which of the timelines you want.  You likely should focus on one as you go through this gate."

Natsu swallowed hard, still feeling the lurching, distorting roil in his belly.  "I don't… How am I supposed to choose between you?"  The voice that cracked on its way out sounded tiny and weak.  "I don't think I can do this."

Lucy's soft hand settled on his shoulder.  "I'm so sorry you have to do this, Natsu, but it'll be okay."

"Don't be afraid," Igneel murmured and placed his warm palm against the young man's side.  "I am -- _We_ are here with you no matter what."

He could feel them both, smell their comforting scents, and it finally eased the persistent ache inside just a bit.  Natsu sighed and let his eyes slide shut, trying to clear his mind.  This here, this moment with these two people, was more than he could have imagined.  It was what he wanted.

"I'm sorry," Lucy whispered, voice thick with tears.

"Forgive me," Igneel pleaded, and Natsu felt pressure from both sides as he suddenly tumbled backwards.

He was weightless, dropping through nothing as the winter forest fell away.  His eyes snapped open in horror, realizing they had both pushed him through the gate.  Flailing uselessly and grabbing for anything that would stop his descent, Natsu found nothing except bone chilling void that slid through his fingers.

Was he going to lose them _both_ now?  It wasn't fair!  It wasn't fair at all!  He'd had them both right there.  Rage gave way to despair, a hurting, loathsome thing in his ribcage, and he screamed until his throat was raw.

"Hold him down before he hurts himself!"

"I'm _trying_!"

"Out 'a the way!  I got it."

A crushing weight pinned Natsu's thrashing limbs, and he arched up in an attempt to shake it off.

"Knock it the hell off, Salamander.  We're tryin' ta help!"

Gajeel?

"Natsu, stop!  Please…"

Happy?  Why did he sound so scared?

"It's _okay_.  It's _us."_

The last voice, more familiar than even his own, made him freeze.  "L-lucy?" he croaked, struggling to pry his eyelids open.  Everything felt like it was made of lead.

"Yes.  It's me.  We're all here."  He felt her fingers smoothing the hair from his forehead.  Her hand was so cool and soft that he instinctively rolled into her touch.  "Everything's alright now."

Had it worked?  Had he somehow chosen her?  "Igneel."  His voice was raspy and pained.  "Wh-where…?"

A creaking of springs announced Gajeel's weight shifting off him, but no one spoke for a dreadful moment.  "We still don't know where he is, Natsu," Happy's strained tone spoke near his ear, and he felt another notch of anxiety drop away.  "Did you dream about him?"

Missing, not dead.  They just didn't know where he was.  The flood of relief was as soothing as Lucy's fingers on his face.  "Wha' happened?"  His tongue felt too big for his mouth, but he managed to slit his eyes open only to regret it when the light stabbed at his nerves.  The groan he let out sounded loud in the quiet infirmary.

"You were struck with a particularly nasty magic item that mage you tried to tackle had."  Porlyusica's tone held the same dripping censure and general disappointment in humanity as always.  "You should consider yourself lucky you're not _dead_ since this little thing was made by --"

"Zeref," he breathed, alternating between blinking his watery eyes and squeezing them shut against the illumination in the room.  It was all a _dream_?  "I saw… I dunno…"

The pink haired healer cocked her head.  "I take it you saw whatever nasty hallucinations this thing produces.  And you were only in a coma for four days.  Like I said: lucky."

"That's lucky?"  Natsu squinted, managing to lift his head just slightly off the pillow.  There were no white streaks in the older woman's hair, no scars on Gajeel's face, Gray was still a jerk, and Erza's stomach was a normal size.  Everything looked… normal.

"Most people who are struck by this device never wake up at all.  The ones who do are usually driven out of their minds by what they were shown," she said bluntly and set the orb in a box.  The lid snapped shut, and Natsu was more than a little happy to have it out of sight.  "Only a handful recovered fully.  That scarf of yours probably saved you."

He glanced around eagerly but was forced to lay his head back when he was assaulted by a wave of dizziness.  Leaning forward, Lucy pressed a familiar piece of cloth into his hand with a relieved smile.  "Wendy fixed it up for you," she explained as he clutched the scarf tight.

"Those other people," Natsu started, "what did they see?"

Porlyusica took a few minutes to look him over, prodding him just hard enough in a few places to elicit a groan from her patient, before answering.  "Most of them swore they saw glimpses of different futures, endless possibilities based on their choices.  However…"  Everyone tensed at her pause.  "I think that's total hogwash since not one of their predictions ever came true.  Whatever you saw is likely best forgotten."

Was it that easy?  Just brush it away like it was nothing?  Already the clarity of the images was starting to fade in the face of his overwhelming exhaustion.  How could he be so _tired_ if he had been sleeping for four days?  Maybe a bit more sleep wouldn't be so bad…

"Wendy, that drug I gave him purged the majority of the tainted magic out of his system, but he'll still need to rest."  Porlyusica placed a fistful of vials containing a nasty looking green concoction into the girl's hands.  "Just make him drink one of these twice a day for the next few days.  It should clear out the rest of the taint.  Won't be pleasant, but… I don't care."

"T-thank you!" the sky dragon slayer piped up, fingers gripping the tubes.  "I'll do my best!"

Packing up the rest of her equipment, the elder woman just shook her head at the girl's enthusiasm.  "Make sure he sleeps the rest of that drug off," she stressed and hefted her leather bag before making for the exit.  "Don't bother me unless someone else is dying."

Gray rubbed the back of his neck as the infirmary door closed.  "I hate to think what'll happen when Gramps tries to ambush her with a party invitation on the way out."

"I think I should head down to the common room… just in case."  Erza paused, armored hand reaching out to lay briefly on Natsu's sheet covered foot as she passed.  "It's good to have you back."

Gajeel grunted, eyes skimming over the prone form of his fellow dragon slayer before following the red head towards the exit.  "It's too damned quiet without you kicking up a fuss.  Ain't natural."

"Yeah, you look really beat for a guy who's been out could for four days," Gray joked, mouth kicking up at the corner as he joined the procession out of the room.  "I bet a nap will have him back to being annoying as hell in no time."

"Y'r jerks," Natsu mumbled and flopped a hand on the bed as a farewell.

"Is there anything you need?" Wendy asked, setting Porlyusica's medicine in an uncluttered space.  She would have to be vigilant in making sure he took it all.  Natsu had a bad habit of deciding he was healthy long before he actually was.  "Do you need some water?  Are you hungry?"

His head rolled side to side slowly.  "Nah… Just really, really sleepy…"  Reaching up, he prodded his face, feeling the familiar angles and planes.  The scars were gone from his hands and arms too.  

Exchanging a look with Lucy, the girls just smiled.  "I'm going to head downstairs.  Carla was really worried I used too much energy trying to heal you, so I should let her know everything is okay now."

Happy perked up, but hesitated.  "You'll be okay, right, Natsu?"

"Yeah," the dragon slayer laughed tiredly.  "You go make sure Carla's okay."  

The exceed patted him on the head, started to climb down, but then backtracked just long enough to hug his favorite human.  "I'm really glad you're okay."  Happy lept off the bed while Natsu smiled indulgently.  The door clicked shut behind the two as Lucy started to brush her fingers through his hair again.

"What day is it?" Natsu slurred, already starting to fall asleep.

"Christmas Eve," she answered, hands still sweeping rhythmically across his skull.  "I'm sorry you had to spend it in here, but I bet you'll be able to join us for at least a bit tomorrow."

"Didn't get you a present…"

She laughed, weight shifting off the edge of his cot.  "That's okay.  With everything that happened, I didn't get you anything yet either.  We can exchange gifts after you're feeling better."

"Don' go," he said, and alarm leaked into his plea even as his words became more garbled by the second.

Hesitating, Lucy looked down into his barely open eyes.  They glittered like shards of black glass even in the dim light.  "Okay.  I'll stay while you rest."  The sound of a chair being dragged across the floor towards him was like music right at that moment.  Then her fingers were back to smoothing across his scalp, and he let out a whine of appreciation.

"Don' go," he mumbled drowsily.  "Just… don't die for me.  Either of you."

Her motions stilled, fingertips on his forehead, and he could picture her frown even behind his eyelids.  "Natsu… What…?"

"Promise?"

She said nothing for a long time but resumed her soothing gesture.  The silence lulled him just as much as her hands, but he fought against the consuming desire to sleep.  How could he rest until he knew they would both be safe?  He sunk further towards unconsciousness the longer the quiet continued.  It was just as he tripped over the very edge of sleep that she finally spoke.

"Tomorrow's Christmas, Natsu.  Let's not worry about the future past that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's that. Hopefully it was confusing, but not so much so that everyone lost interest. Believe it or not, this was actually inspired by It's a Wonderful Life in some twisted way -- though it was less what would the world be like without you and more what would your world be like without them. I do hope that no one was disappointed with the ending, but while I was writing this I had a sneaking suspicion I wasn't going to have to bump off any characters since the end of the Tartaros arc looked like it was going to be painful enough as it was... Huge thanks to Snogfairy for not only reading over this but also inviting me to take part in the Angstmas celebration. There are some truly fabulous and talented people in the Fairy Tail community, and I feel really lucky to have gotten to participate.


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